You know the saying. If you think it’s too good to be true, it probably is.
In case you’ve been wondering what I’ve been up to while on haitus since April 20, I’ve been assessing my judgment and licking my wounds.
I made a colossal mistake. I was offered something too good to be true and I said, “yes, please and thank you,” all the while studiously ignoring the warning voices. In fact, I didn’t just ignore them. I stuffed my fingers in my ears and sang “lalalalalala!” at the top of my lungs.
I am prevented from going into any detail here. The upshot is this:
1. My daughter is here with me in Hawaii, where she does not want to be. She is crushed. Other plans were in place. Too good to be true.
2. We do not have our beloved dogs and cats.
3. I have re-injured my back, pretty badly.
4. The majority of our belongings had to be moved off the farm in a hurry and are water damaged, broken or missing. Some I sent to the dump myself because I had no time to deal with their disposition.
5. The worst of all: I have suffered a setback in my ability to trust people.
While I was gone, I noticed that you lovely folks just kept right on chatting without me. This makes me supremely happy. A blog that runs itself and is compelling enough for folks to want to come and chat about topics even when the writer is absent is a happy thing indeed.
I thank you all.
I have been reading, researching, thinking. Get ready! Now you have to put up with me again!
Edited to Add: Folks have emailed and called to ask if all is well with my new job at Tellington TTouch Training. I want to let you all know that Linda Tellington-Jones has been nothing but supportive throughout all this and continues to be a role model for me in how to be a decent human being.
© 2009 enlightened horsemanship through touch
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Kim, Sorry to hear about the upheaval in your life. You and your daughter are in my thoughts to have a time to heal. Trust can be a tricky thing. First learning to trust ourselves, and then to trust others to be exactly who they are. At times like this, I remind myself that the sun still shines, the grass still grows, and water still tastes good.
Karen
You are right: the elements are unchanging. This is what I love: things that never stop changing yet are always the same. The enso in my logo speaks to that, among a million other things.
“the sun still shines, the grass still grows, and water still tastes good.” I would add that it sounds pretty nice lapping the shore, too.
Terrible news! I can totally relate to being heartbroken for your child’s sadness. When we moved to Vermont, my son was dead set against it (he loves it here, now) and very angry about it. Hopefully, it will be as Gin says it will be the best in the long run.
I hop you feel better soon, and that settling is goes easier than moving.
W
Wendy
I hope my daughter will take a page from your son’s book. We can only wait and see.
Kim,
Sorry things went so badly for you right before you left. I miss you already.
James and Madison say “Hi Mom”
Eileen
Oh hey there, wonderful woman!
I never got over to say goodbye to the babies, or to Millie or even Maira.
At least with the babies I know they are in good, loving hands.
Should you happen to run into Millie or Maira, please give them a couple of long, deep strokes on the neck and whisper my love into their large, fluffy ears.
I love them all.
Kim ~ hugs. Unfortunately, I went through a horrible stretch with things collasping around me and ‘friends’ showing their true colors. It’s never easy to get through those rough patches, but they pass like everything.
Wishing you strength and healing during this time.
Bec
horseideology
Thanks,
You know, it doesn’t hurt at all unless you use a child to do harm. Then, even those who usually cannot be hurt are devastated. I say this to you because I know you have been through much along the same path as I, and i know what a warrior you are.
My warrior skills are rusty from intentional disuse. I don’t want to drag them out and have them at the ready. Instead, I choose healing. Thank you.
Kim – those darn curves & bumps in life, eh? I hope the separation from pets is only temporary (quarantine?), your back heals better than before and your daughter will see the rainbow amongst the clouds.
~jon
Jon
so nice to see you here. I enjoy your blog!
…looking at the rainbows…
Kim,
I am so sorry that your situation has not worked out as planned and that you are suffering from the emotional pain of not having your pets (and from being let down by people you trusted) and the physical pain from injuring your back.
It’s very hard to deal with all of this at once, especially when in a new place without a local support system.
I hope that it’s just a temporary blip and that Hawaii will prove to be an excellent place for you . . . just in a different way from how you had imagined it.
Hugs!
Liz
Liz
Thanks, I’m waiting for Aloha to sink in and displace betrayal and loss.
Aloha is real.
I’m relieved you’re there, sad about the difficulties, and hopeful that this is just one of those things that in the big picture, is such a good move and leap forward there can’t help but be some difficulty in the transition.
Sending good energy and light, and the wish for your animal family to get there safe and sound.
(and it has been most wonderful to be part of the conversation here while you were dealing with all of the above – it truly is a place where kindred spirits come to hang out and share!!)
billie
thanks for your kind wishes. I know we will recover!
I do so appreciate the fact that you guys carried on without me here at EHTT.
The fact that, as you say, this is developing into a place where “kindred spirits can come to hang out and share” is extremely rewarding. I thank you all!
I didn’t start reading your blog until recently, but you have a gift and so much to offer. Sometimes, all we can do to support each other is relate to what we have gone through. I have gone through a lot of moves. More often than not, I was sure I made the wrong choice. The toughest ones, the hardest to go through, usually were the best in the long run. Theses were the ones that challenged me the most, taught me the most, and ultimately, were the most positive for me and the world around me. I don’t know if this helps at all, but you made a brave move, and the challenges are not done with the physical relocation. The relocation of spirit and soul take longer. May it happen and be wonderful for you all, in due time. Leap and the net appears! It will appear…
highmountainmuse
Thank you! Any problems alluded to have nothing to do with regret over moving or the quotidien roadblocks associated with moving. I have done it often enough to expect the workaday breakage, loss and nuisances that come with the journey that is moving.
The breakage (hearts), loss (friendship, trust, future plans) and nuisances (unfortunately visited upon others as a result of all this–about which I feel guilty) were all unwelcome surprises at the last minute. I suffer mostly on my daughter’s behalf. As most moms know, when you are in pain on behalf of your child, it hurts worse than any pain of your own.
My spirit and soul have been here in Hawaii since the first day I set foot here several years ago. All the rest was mechanics. I am thrilled to be here, and hope soon to put the pain of the transition behind me.
In the meantime, staying present with it, learning from it, and allowing my anger to turn to compassion for those who willingly caused that pain are my immediate goals. Golly, those are big goals. I may need some help.
Well, it all sounds difficult to deal with, hope you get everything settled soon.
ghm
You’re not secretly my mom using ghm‘s handle, are you?
*pats self on knee*
“There, there dear. Have a cup of tea and everything will be Ok.”
Mothers, whether they are masquerading as fellow bloggers or not, have very good advice.
Question number one…are you where you want to be? So sorry to read about your daughter, your back and not having your animals with you. And I thought Hawaii was going to be your dream.
Lori
There is no question that I am where I want to be. Hawaii is my new home, and I’m never looking back. As soon as the shock and hurt (and betrayal) from recent events subsides, i will revel in my new surroundings with all the mindful glee I can muster.
What the h&*)* happened Kim? Please call asap.
hello anonymous
I do not know who you are.
Jane
I miss my dogs and cats a lot, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to live with them again. My daughter is heartbroken. I am heartbroken for her.
But we are together. That’s what counts.
*I don’t know if I will ever be able to live with them again*
Oh no. No no no. I’m so sorry! Will send prayers for the whole family, animal and human. Being together, so true, that’s what counts. Doesn’t always make it easier though.
Gah.
Glad you’ve been able to make the move, OH NO to the back, broken trust and disappointments. ACK to the doggies and kitties. You must be heartbroken in many ways. Take care.
Jane