A Horse's View of the World

I read A Horse’s View of the World in The Horse Conscious Newsletter, an interesting source of news and features about horses.

Do you ever wonder what your horse is actually thinking? How often have you ever wondered if you are on the same page or even talking the same language?

Take a look at some of the definitions from the horse’s dictionary and compare them to yours.

Arena: Place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion.

Bit: Means by which a rider’s every motion is transmitted to the sensitive tissues of the mouth

Bucking: counter-irritant

Crossties: Gymnastic apparatus

Dressage: Process by which some riders can eventually be taught to respect the bit

Fence: Barrier that protects good grazing

Grain: Sole virtue of domestication

Hitching rail: Means by which to test one’s strength

Horse trailer: Mobile cave bear den

Hotwalker: The lesser of two evils

Jump: An opportunity for self-expression

Latch: Type of puzzle

Lungeing: Procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay

Owner: Human assigned responsibility for one’s feeding

Rider: Owner overstepping its bounds

Farrier: Disposable surrogate owner; useful for acting out aggression without compromising food supply

Trainer: Owner with mob connections

Veterinarian: Flightless albino vulture

Only Horse People:

Believe in an 11th commandment: inside leg to outside rein…

Know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue or neon yellow

Think nothing of eating a sandwich while mucking out a stall

Know why a thermometer has a yard of yarn attached to the end of it

Are banned from Laundromats

Fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy

Can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing horse

Will end relationships over their hobby

Cluck to their cars to help them up hills

Insure their horses for more than their cars

Know (and care) more about their horse’s nutrition than their own

Have no problem speaking of semen, abscesses and colic surgery at the dinner table

Have a smaller wardrobe than their horse…

Engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job

Know that a good ride is better than Zoloft any day